The Fish in the River
by Aviaq
Summary: A story about Master JeongJeong. Beginining from his childhood several decades ago in the village of Pyong Yu...onwards. And how his mysterious doubts and self hatred about his being a firebender came to be. warning: violence in later chapters
1. Just a Question: Prologue

**Only a Question**

Earlier that afternoon, Chey had been brave enough to confront his master and ask him a question.

It was something that had been puzzling him for the longest time.

"Master Jeong Jeong, I d-don't mean to sound too forward…." Chey said nervously "but I'm curious, What was it exactly that made **you **personally want to leave the Firenation army…"

"That is not of your concern for now." Jeong Jeong interrupts Chey, his back turned to him.

Though Chey could already sense something cold and low growing in the old man's voice, the light from the circle of candles already wafting with uneasiness, but he could not help but question further.

"…was it the cruelty of some of your fellow soldiers?"

Still no answer.

"…does it have something to do with the Firelord's ideology? Do you disagree with it?

Silence.

" Or perhaps... the violence you've seen in battle—"

"ARE YOU DEAF, MAN?" Jeong Jeong finally turned and boomed in anger, sending the flames of the candles flickering violently. "Get out! And if you wish to be helpful to me, go and keep a lookout along with the others!"

"Eheh, I'm sorry Master, I meant no offense…I…I'm.."

The old man narrowed his eyes.

"Yes-yes. I'm going now." Chey stammered, as he awkwardly ran out of the hut.

* * *

"Jeong-jeong is a living legend..." He says to himself later '"I may never be able to be as great as he is, but being able to serve him and his comrades should be honor for me enough…I should've had more humility and respect. Geez…that was a dumb thing to ask, why did I even bother?" 

Meanwhile, back inside lonely darkness of his hut, Jeong-Jeong whispers almost inaudibly to himself in sadness.

"The answer is simple, it is because…after all those years, it all became too much too bear."


	2. Ch 1: Glory of Our Nation

**Glory of our Nation**

_He would rather die than admit it openly to his comrades now, but very early, in the beginning, as a little boy…_

_He had loved to firebend._

_He had loved the ethereal, almost holy and sacred, look of the bright yellow light from a flame wafting in a dark room. Dark shadows, like spirits, playing on the walls._

_He had loved the feeling of being able to create it from his limbs from almost out of nowhere, and watching something delicate, like a leaf, twig, or strand of hair shrivel up when it burned…turning into nothing, becoming 'purified'._

_He loved the sensation of heat and excitement coming from his breath and body that filled him an indescribable power._

_A power that almost frightened him._

_His mind rewinds back to that time, a time before quiet seclusion, when he had turned his back on the FireNation army. Even before the proud era of leading his men to war, the chaos and the endless carnage, the loud voices, the blood-red flash of the flag of his nation, taking the lives of men, women and children of the other two nations he had been brought up to despise, hearing the booming cries of soldiers in battlefield._

_…To a time even before being a young recruit and marching with his then fellow comrades and fighting for a grand ideal, for something he thought he could proudly believe in._

_

* * *

_

_Rewinding all the way to a deeply buried memory, his old childhood home near the peaceful provincial region of Pyong Yu, a farming village near a valley. The summer of the 48th year since the beginning of Souzin's war. But the war was such a faraway thought to him then…_

_Walking on a yellowish sandy dirt road in the countryside without a care in the world, the sound of his wooden sandals clopping on the ground as he nears his family's old house, a humble place with a thatched roof and wooden beams with cobwebs slowly collecting on the ceiling._

_These were such simple times._

_But it seemed too simple to last._

_He recalls an image of his father; Eun-soo, a tall, sturdy and honorable man. A father any boy would have been proud to have._

_Eun-soo had once taken his son and daughter to a neighboring village for a Fire-Day's festival._

_Jeong-jeong remembers being very young, about seven, and being enchanted by the burst and bright colors of the fireworks against the night sky, and his little sister, Hyeonji, by his side, also smiling and giggling at the display._

_"They look like dancing spirits. Don't they?" She said._

_And, he remembers proudly singing the youth anthem as he sees the red of his nation's flag being raised on a high pole:_

_**As the sun sets in the horizon**_

_**A battle cry is heard**_

_**O' sons and daughters of our land**_

_**With fury like the phoenix bird.**_

_**Your voices hail our FireLord**_

_**Burning red and bright **_

_**He protects our people's borders**_

_**Fierce with all his might**_

_**The sacred flame he wields**_

_**For the glory of our Nation**_

_**The glory of our Nation!**_

_**HURRAH! HURRAH! HURRAH!**_

_But then he remembers crying childishly in front of his father, when three days later, Eun-Soo is completely covered in red armor, his face masked as he mounts a rhino ready to leave his wife and children to go off, to war._

_The soldier had been drafted to 10th division, the first into battle, against an undefeated Earth Kingdom army._

_Eun-soo's wife, Sung-hae knows he is not coming back. She is pale but silent._

_"Jeong-jeong," The man had said to his son before he left, " Listen to me, I want you to grow up to be strong, but also to be honorable and true. Do you understand?"_

_The little boy sniffed and nodded, rubbing his eyes. But it would be several years before he would try to grasp what had been told to him._

_But he looks up at his father who rides off, and knows that someday he wishes to be honorable as he is._

_For the glory of his Nation._


	3. Ch 2: The Dry Season

**Dry Season**

_When he had felt his first sting of shame, at first it was not necessarily for who he was born to be, or of his people, but when he saw what his element was capable of, and what had happened because of it._

_The start of what would be for him, a string of horrible instances when he would look at himself and cannot help but think the same recurring, irritating thought._

_"If only I never had to be born a firebender."_

_He remembers that day in the village of Pyong Yu, its brightness, the chirping of the cicadas in the grass and the prickly heat of the sun as he walked in the grass field, being a young and carefree boy._

_His little sister, Hyeonji, she had only been four, maybe five. She had been so small._

_He also remembers, vividly, how she had looked that day before **it** had happened. _

_There is a peaceful image of her in his mind; Hyeonji walking behind him in that field of yellow grass, tossing her hair and yawning a little bit. _

_"__Ne, Jeong-Jeong, why are we outside? It's too hot." she had called out to him in a small voice._

_She had followed him around as she always did. She never liked to be left out._

_He had also been quite young, eight or nine perhaps. But he was supposed to be the responsible one and look after her. He was supposed to have more control, just as he had been taught. But that day, of all days, he chose not to listen._

_"Do you want to play a game? Let's play 'Fire-toss'. He had suggested._

_Their mother, Sung-hae, had been busy working back home in their small garden, picking vegetables to be sold in the market. There had been a terrible drought, so even with a measly early harvest, they could still earn just enough to profit from it. The woman had been getting tired, yet she had still worked hard to provide for and feed her two small children. _

_But a mother had enough to do as it was, without having to worry about what they were up to while her back was turned. _

_In the dry fields, Hyeonji continued to follow after her older brother, farther and farther out. She began to think that Jeong Jeong was up to something, she knew that when her brother was silent like that, he was deep in thought._

_Even if she was little, Hyeonji had undoubtedly been a mommy's girl, always doing what she was told. _

_"__B-but Mother says not to fire-bend and stuff during the dry season. We're not even suppose' ta be outside, and, and--" _

_"__Oh come now…It's alright, here, let's go to the field. No one can see us there." Jeong-Jeong said as he climbed over the stone wall that surrounded Farmer Han-beo's field.  
_

_He pulled his sister's hand and helped her over the wall. It was the only secluded open space where he knew no eyes would be watching._

_"__But—but…we're not supposed to--"_

_"__You wanted to play right? You said I'm always busy with my friends and not doing things with you like I used to, right? RIGHT?"_

_"__I know but…" the little girl frowned_

_"__Well, let's play, already."_

_He had been lying. _

_What her brother really wanted was someone to 'spar' and practice with so he could sharpen his own skills. So he could show the other boys in the village how much he could surpass them even more in the bending exercises. _

_And he KNEW he could. _

_Soon he would be more powerful than all of them. They were just jealous of him, anyway. _

_He had been begging his teacher to show him more, but the man simply told him that the weather in their valley was becoming quite arid, and it wasn't safe to be using any fire at this time. Not even for practical purposes._

_But Jeong-jeong did not yet know how this was supposed to matter to him. He had still been too young and impatient to realize why it should have._

_He thought it would be like any other day of the season to be sneaking off and playing outside. But unlike other days, the sun had shone bright, too brightly in fact. The climate was particularly dry, and the air seemed to sizzle. Fire Nation summers are known to be harsh, and that year, it seemed to be the worst. Everyone had stayed indoors. Some farmers had even kept their livestock inside their huts. The grass and leaves almost crackled. _

_But one cannot blame the air and the sun for the sins one commits…_


	4. Ch 3: That One Dreadful Moment

**That One Dreadful Moment…**

** (A/N warning: the following chapter depicts some degree of graphic violence)  
**

_Little Hyeonji could bend too, and fairly well for such a young child her age. But Jeong-Jeong had put too much faith in that and not in his own restraint and common sense._

"_C'mon, lets just play until sundown." He smiled at his sister. " Here I'll start. It'll be fun. Remember, make sure to catch it and don't let it touch the grass."_

"_Oh, Okay!" Hyeonji smiled, eager to please as usual and happy to spend time with her older brother again._

_It started innocently enough. Jeong Jeong drew back from his sister and started 'the game'. He ignited a ball of fire and threw it at her. The girl caught the bundle of heat and used her small, but quick hands to throw it back. _

"_Throw it to me faster!" the boy exclaimed, wanting a challenge. "C'mon, help me out here, my teacher says I need to be quicker on my feet on these kinds of agility sets."_

_The child pouted and ignited her own ball of fire and sent it fiercely to him. _

"_I thought you said this was jus' a game for the two of us ! Not practice jus' for you…"_

"_It IS a game! But it's good to practice too, right?" _

"_Fine--Here!" _

"_Haha, nice one!" Jeong Jeong laughed._

_He smiled at Hyeonji. But the girl had always been skilled as he was, and a little bit more competitive at times. _

_Yet unlike him, she mostly never wanted more out of her own bending. She had only been happy having him as her constant playmate. But Jeong-jeong had been ditching her lately, and spending more time with the other neighborhood children around his own age._

_Well, at least, for now, Hyeonji was getting her wish._

_

* * *

_

_So they continued the tossing. _

_Back and forth. _

_First two fireballs._

_Then three, then four. _

_Faster and faster._

_After half an hour, the sun still showed no sign of easing its heat. It was taking effect._

"_I'm…getting…tired. Let's stop… now. Please…" Hyeonji panted, sweat dripping from her hair. She had been having so much fun laughing and playing, but it was getting far too hot._

"_Just a little longer, Let's see if we can break our record!" The boy exclaimed. _

_Excited with adrenaline, his heart thumped fast through his chest. Jeong-jeong had forgotten about the world around him, the dryness of the air, where it was they were playing, his sister, and merely practicing to improve so he could show off later to his other playmates. _

_The heat of this dangerous game was making him feel that familiar exhilaration, a sort of rush, a secret childish yet violent curiosity at pushing the boundaries of playing with his primal element._

_It was something that every mother and father of every firebender child preferred to keep watch for. Considered as natural for any person, whether young or old, but something to be closely guarded._

_But without knowing why, this feeling of power also frightened Jeong-Jeong again, a troubled stirring inside of him, …and he would soon find out why._

_The boy continued to catch, throw and punch the flames out even more rapidly…_

_He failed to see that Hyeonji had grown drowsy from being out in the heat too long. _

_Suddenly, her legs faltered, and as she fell down, she was caught by surprise and failed to catch one of her brother's incoming hits…_

_And in a that one dreadful instant…_

_**FSHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM**_

_That one fireball._

_Because of it, an area of dry grass around the little girl had ignited in a dangerous flash…_

_Flames spread on her legs and soon, her clothes. It engulfed her._

"_Oh no--JEONG-JEONG AHHHHHHH!" Hyeonji screamed wildly, panic-stricken and unable to calmly react as a firebender to get rid of the flames on her own. The little girl had never gotten into an accident before and didn't know how to protect herself efficiently._

_As she screamed, the boy was violently jolted to his senses. He ran to the little girl and tried to dissipate the flames around her as fast as he could. _

"_HYEONJI!"_

_Thank the fire spirits that the dry grass around did not cause the entire field to catch fire._

_But, obviously the fire spirits had not been too merciful._

_Jeong-Jeong looked down and realized what he had done. _

_To his own little sister._

_He foolishly had forgotten..._

_She had not been wearing her fireproof skin suit. _

_It is his first violent memory that will forever be plagued and burned into his mind. An eerie sight that tossed him out of his childish world and into a disturbing place he did not want to be._

_There was Hyeonji, she lay on the ground, she shrieked and cried helplessly in pain. Her high-pitched, piercing screams grow louder and fill the air, and Jeong-Jeong's ears._

_He looked closer at her, what he saw made his stomach lurch. _

_The skin on her legs, the side of her back, arms and shoulder were marked deep red with large terrible, frightening burns. Many areas of her clothes were burnt black, sticking to her flesh. Already, the gashes had begun to blister and darken. He could see her exposed muscle tissue shifting through the open wounds.  
_

_Gaping in a mixture of disbelief and revulsion at what he looked at, Jeong Jeong touched her burnt arm with his quivering fingers. _

_Some layers, literally **pieces** of skin fell off. _

"_NO, STOP YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE! AHHHHHH--" Hyeonji screamed at him._

"…_H-Hyeon-jji, I-I'm s- sorry…I didn't m-mean…" his eyes grew wide, he grasped his head in his hands and shook in fear._

"_IT-IT HURTS, M-M-MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!—" the little girl sobbed and screamed hysterically, tears streaked down her face, which (even if it fortunately wasn't burned from the hit) was also red and was grimaced in such an expression of pain._

_The terrified look in Hyeonji's eyes cut deep inside him._

_She tugged helplessly at her brother's sleeve, the weakened girl opened and closed her mouth, like fish flopping around on dry land, as if she was beginning to lose the physical energy or ability to talk._

_The boy himself could barely speak. "H-Hyeonji, D-don't move, it's going to be alright…Ju -Just—" _

_It is then that the girl's eyes drew back into her head, only the whites showed through her half-closed lids. The tremors of pain from the large burns must have shocked her small body so horribly, she began shake and shiver uncontrollably, almost into a convulsion, and spit leaked from her open mouth._

_Hyeonji then went limp, and fainted._

_Jeong-Jeong, horrified out of his mind, and not sure of what to do, quickly took his small sister in his arms and ran frantically through the field. _

"_H-HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" he shouted in a shrilly, helpless voice as he ran. "MY SISTER IS HURT, PLEASE HELP ME!"_

_As he ran, holding little Hyeonji close to him, limp as a rag doll, a disturbing smell filled his nose, making him feel ill. _

_The smell of her charred flesh. _

"_I'm a monster, I'm so stupid, and blind and oh, for the love of heaven, why didn't I just listen to her…why…" he thinks to himself._

_He could not hold back his tears. The world around him went wild and blurry._

"…_I burnt my sister."_


End file.
